How to Live Your Dream

We're thinking about dreaming. We're not simply setting some goals and objectives, but rather are seeking to identify the deep desires within that keep stirring and reoccurring. We know sitting around in our pajamas is not the answer (see Pursuing the Dream). On the other hand we don't want to be living in a fantasy world and calling it a dream (future hub). So, what's next?

We need to do a few things to breathe life into the dream:

Identify it (know what it is)

Clarify it (write it and speak it)

Embrace it (Hold on for dear life - no one can take it from you)

Pursue it (remember we have no dream if there is no pursuit)

But before we address these matters first reflect on a fairly well known dreamer and an unknown dreamer. The first is the singer songwriter Jewel and the other is my Dad (so not totally unknown).

Jewel Kircher, songwriter / singer / musician lived on a farm during her early years, and lived in a van while in the early part of her pursuit. After she had identified and clarified her dream she tells of her mother Nedra inquiring further about this. Her answer is here from the September '99 issue of Readers Digest "Money? She'd always had so little; she'd even grown accustomed to living on what she could carry in a knapsack. Fame? She'd always felt like an outsider so that didn't matter. The one thing that she really cared about was her songs-inspiring people with her words and voice. "I want to sing to remind people to live their dreams", she told her mother."

So, here we have a well known person who was willing to do anything to pursue her dream and the pursuit had little to do with what she got but everything to do who she is and what was living inside of her. She could not not pursue it.

My Dad

Most of us, though, will not earn the bucks or live the life of the famous, so what about the dreams of the masses? How do yours and my dreams come into clearer focus? Dreams come in all shapes and sizes. A dream to one person may simply be a goal on the way to the dream for another. What is true though for all real dreams is that they persist and will not let you rest until you pursue it.

My Dad was raised in a very small town in South Carolina, served in the war and came back to his hometown to open a little country store. Well, as life goes things happen and he sold the store and moved to Baltimore and worked for a small chain of stores as a manager for the next twenty years. But he always wanted to go back "home" and open another convenience store.

About 15 years into his stay in Baltimore, the riots of '68 (resulting from an event of the death of a much bigger dreamer), my Dad's dream began to come to life and he determined he would pursue it. The fact that he had to carry a gun as a store manager just did not seem like his idea of fun. So, five years later he gathered his savings, located a store, moved back to South Carolina, opened the store and then within about 18 months the violence he thought he left behind found its way to this small country store.

Two men entered his store late one evening before closing and, at gunpoint, forced him down on the floor. My Dad lived to tell this story about the bullet in his foot: "I was laying there thinking these men don't have any masks and they have no reason to leave me alive after they take the money so I just figured I had to do something. I kept a pistol in a bucket inside the little office just behind the cash register where I was laying on the floor, so in my mind I didn't have anything to lose. I jumped up, pushed the one guy away, stepped through the opened door, reached down into the bucket and pulled out the pistol. I was behind the wall so I put the gun around the corner and started shooting. I didn't even look but somehow I hit one of them. This must of scared them and they ran out and got into the car that a third guy was driving but not before one of their bullets got me in the foot."

Two things here:

First, for many, the idea of moving to a small town to open a country store that you must work about 80 hours per week would better be described as a nightmare. But this is clearly a characteristic of a real dream, they are all unique and special to the individual dreamer.

Second, since his dream came back to life when the violence in the big city had gotten to such proportions as he had to carry a gun as a manager of a small store you might think this experience in South Carolina would have discouraged him from continuing the pursuit but instead certain events actually strengthen the dream. In my Dad's case he worked the country store for another twenty years and found it invigorating and fulfilling. So, how do I live my dream? Or what will it take for me to begin the pursuit.

Identify that thing that keeps coming up (it's the dream). This sounds easy enough but a real dream just like a pajama dream is a bit vague in the beginning for most. Even Jewel had to reflect for some time before she could clarify it and totally embrace it. I don't think for the geniuses (Beethoven, Mozart, Da vinci), or those who have been gifted very uniquely and very particularly that it is such a challenge but for most of us who dream, identifying is the first part of the pursuit.

When I sold my business in '95, I knew I had to begin the pursuit and I wrote, Building a Purposeful Business. This book focused on business and some of the basic issues that those starting a business needed to be aware of and especially when coming from the corporate world to the small business world. I worked on the book until completed with the diligence necessary to follow a dream as I considered this to be the idea that I had on my heart. But I had to continue in the process for another 10 years before I could identify it and clarify it. I was in the right game but not the right park.

Clarify it. My dream needed clarity and I was bent on aligning my own abilities, experiences and talents with the nature of precisely what it was inside of me that would lead me to the next part of the process. I'm not sure we can always know as we go but I do believe we can pursue a matter with such vigor and such a focus that at the very least the experience of pursuing is drawing us closer and bringing greater clarity as we go. Part of this process in my case was enhanced as I read Steven Covey's book, First Things First. I had also done an all day seminar with one of his trainers. Covey challenges one to name and clarify what's really important to us as individuals thereby clearing out the stuff that is happening because of life as opposed to those that are affecting us deep within with the intent of driving our dream.

Clarification is the time in which we write and speak the dream and as we do this time and again it takes on its own form, and gains more clarity. We have friends who turned fifty and Scott was able to retire early but he had been thinking about what he would do next for quite a while. He and his wife had been on several trips to different disaster areas (tsunami, hurricane katrina). Through these experiences it simply became clear that his gifts and abilities of organization and leadership combined with their desires to serve were providing clear direction to lead groups of people to these kinds of trips as they occur. This is what they now do together as a couple and they find great fulfillment and satisfaction that he had not had in many years from the work-a-day world.

Embrace the dream. During this time we find ourselves falling in love with what it is we believe we are called to do. By now the dream is clearly stated, the vision is focused, the purpose is written and the mission is beginning to take shape with specific goals and objectives established for evaluating your direction so you can stay on course. For some (like me) these will be quite formalized and detailed for others it may be they just hold each one in their heart and perform each task as it comes up. Certainly in my Dad's case it was this way as he simply did what needed to be done each step of the way until he was living what had been in his heart and mind for years.

The Pursuit

When in pursuit we are living the dream. The dream comes to life when we believe in it enough to embrace it wholeheartedly and daily do what needs to be done, thus proving that we believe what is in our hearts must come to fruition. Without the pursuit the dream remains dormant waiting for the day of awakening. So, our actions and committment is that which proves (to ourselves) we are in pursuit.

Most will still need to pay deliberate attention to the matters of survival but our purposeful planning will create new ways to keep us less focused on these important things and more focused on the dream. In my own case I've had to spend several months of this year putting into place a business model that will provide our rather high monthly expenses.

Now that I have clarity (see Pursuing the Dream), the dream inspires the desire for enough time freedom to work on the mission that serves the purpose, fulfilling my vision to live my dream. I first needed to do whatever it took to have 25-30 hours a week for the pursuit. So, this first part of '08 has not been wasted but rather an investment of time and money for the sake of the dream.

Unlike Scott who has a reasonable retirement income and Jewel who didn't mind living in her car, most of us still have some concerns with survival. This is where most dreamers live and we need to attend to these matters not just for survival sake but now most importantly for the sake of the dream!

Next time: Don't let anyone steal or kill your dream.